Cultural Communication Patterns We Take for Granted
Today, we discuss western culture, and in layman's terms, how it may affect English communication.
If you’re born in an English-speaking western country, you likely have communication patterns that you take for granted.
Having had conversations with people from all over the world, as well as having taught them English, I’ve been told many times that we “westerners” (i.e. those born in a developed, western nation) have a unique way of expressing ourselves.
Some foreigners find our communication style jarring. Some more culturally conservative people find it difficult to get along. Some culturally liberal folks think we’re stuck up.
And some find it way too different and unfriendly!
For those of you who are learning English, or are wondering about what we English speakers take for granted, this one is for you.
Let’s dig in and discuss.
Sensationalism
This word is a great start for learning the art of speaking English.
A great tip for expressing oneself in an English-speaking western nation is telling sensational stories; anything that appeals to the senses or engages our emotions can be considered sensational.
Western speakers also tend to use hyperbole or exaggerated expressions to emphasize a point.
For example, instead of saying “there is a strange smell in the bathroom”, we can be more sensational by saying: “the bathroom smells like 100 dead skunks!”
Hyperbolic wording? Check. Exclamation point? Check. Exaggerated expression? Check.
In some cases, more emotional aspects of the English language shape how English speakers understand each other. For instance, when someone breaks up with their significant other, they might tell their best friend: “He crushed my heart into millions of pieces. I feel like I lost a part of myself.”
For foreigners who speak more indirectly in their culture, the example above may be understandable. But others may struggle to pick up the full meaning and nuance of that kind of statement.
This way of speaking can seem sporadic and strange to some foreign English learners, but it is simply how native speakers like to speak.
There is nothing wrong with speaking properly only, but understanding hyperbole, exaggeration, and emotions will definitely help learners understand English conversations better.
This brings me to my next point…
Expression-Driven
To build on the previous point above, we Americans/Canadians/United Kingdomers, and/or [insert western nation here] love our expressions.
For foreigners learning English, I recommend using expressions that are fun and sometimes exaggerated. These expressions make your speech more interesting to native speakers.
If someone asks how your day is, a simple way to respond is “Hi! I am well, thank you.”
Or, you can respond with an interesting literary device to describe how traffic was on that day: “I’m fine, but geez, the roads are like monkeys at a zoo this morning!”
The downside to this way of speaking is every native speaker is learning to play with the English language rather than use proper English. This way of speaking can be more confusing to foreigners than native speakers think.
Case in point: read the script for the show Friends. One thing many non-tutors/teachers take for granted is the fact that there are so many expressions in that show which foreigners have never heard of.
I remember working at a learning center where tutors were all recommending studying the Friends script. Some learners would print out interesting scripts from their favorite episodes.
I remember all of the red underlines beneath idiomatic and context-specific expressions. I remember explaining each one in detail. I also remember how blown away and convoluted the learner thought English was.
For example, there’s one where Rachel says, in a voicemail, that she’s over Ross. Ross replies: “You’re over me? When were you under me?”
Many foreigners struggle with this context unless they’ve learned the expression “I’m over you.”
(Topical) Openness
One thing that more conservative cultures may struggle with is the openness in topical discussions in western countries.
Being open requires one to be ready and willing to share their personal lives with those around them, such as laundry habits, home life situations, relationships with family and partners, and even their past breakups.
More private cultures find it very difficult to reply to these kinds of topics, especially regarding taboos and culturally liberal things.
For example, some comedians talk about things like politics, drugs, sex, and sloppy kissing. Some people find it difficult to discuss these things without having been exposed to English-speaking cultures before.
Beyond the topical conversational patterns of English speakers, there are also many open greetings that some people find jarring but are normal in the west. Some examples include a greeting with a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a handshake, or a high-five.
A tip for native English speakers: before discussing something with a foreigner, ask them if they’re okay with the topic, first.
Privacy
Acting as a counter to the previous point, native English speakers hold privacy as a value as well.
So it’s not all bad for English-learning foreigners!
In keeping with the value of privacy, you are free to reject speaking about a certain topic if you’re not comfortable with it. You can simply say: “Sorry, I’m not comfortable with that topic” or “I don’t usually share that about myself, sorry.”
All this means is you would rather not discuss something because you value your privacy; you’re creating a boundary.
Some foreigners from east-Asian cultures might feel compelled to answer these kinds of topics, especially if someone elderly or senior asks you. Always remember: you have every right to reject sharing anything that you’d rather keep private.
And the cool thing is most westerners (who aren’t pathological) will respect your privacy.
Some Latin American or Asian-born individuals may come to an English-speaking western country, and ask a bunch of uncomfortable personal questions (ex. about salary, partner, or sexual orientation).
Always make sure to ask if something is okay to discuss before directly asking. Here are a few expressions to check if a topic is okay with someone:
“I’m curious about something. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. It’s no problem! [ask a question]?”
“Do you mind if I ask a personal question? I won’t pry if you don’t want me to.”
“If I ask something personal, would it be okay with you?”
Always check before asking.
Individuality
Though this value may have a whole lot of nuance, especially in the post-2015 world, most English speakers value individuality.
This means that if you hold a different opinion, and respect the viewpoints of others, then it’s okay.
English speakers generally hate being preached to and told what to believe.
You see, westerners are somewhat linear thinkers: we think of problems and solutions. We think of reasons and cause and effect. People from other religious or cultural backgrounds may not think this way; they may be more holistic or spiritual in their thought process.
And it’s okay to reject an offer in the west; you don’t have to follow everything a higher-ranking person or elder might ask of you!
If you come from a very open culture, just remember that people born in fluent English-speaking nations value their individuality. If they have boundaries or private beliefs, don’t force them to share with you.
To English speakers: accept that others around the world think differently. Before discussing anything with any individual, always ask if it is okay with them, first. Only then, you can ask questions if you’re curious about what that person thinks.
To English-learning foreigners: it’s okay in English-speaking countries to have your own point of view. It’s okay to be a unique individual. Just don’t force your point of view on anyone, and you’ll be fine! Always make sure to make your boundaries (i.e. things you don’t want to share or discuss) clear.
It’s usually better to aim to understand someone’s views before mentioning your views. That will help you navigate a conversation with them better.
Just avoid politics and religion. Trust me: that’s for the best unless you really trust each other to hold a difference in views.
Logical Coherence
English speakers love their logic, although an immense amount of bias and selective information guides a lot of our thinking.
Academics aside, it’s important to understand the thought process of native English speakers. For example, when a decision is made, there has to be a reason behind it, even if that reason is emotional.
Thus, in the west, logic is very important in a conversation. If you believe something to be true, it is beneficial to have a good reason in English-speaking countries.
As an English-learning foreigner, I recommend understanding this somewhat linear 1 + 1 = 2 style of thinking. If there is any time you need to explain why you think or do something, remember always to be ready to share a reason.
Want to travel the world? Be prepared to share why. Want to have a drink on Friday night? Be prepared to have a reason, just in case someone asks. Do you agree with one thing and not another?
Well, you get the point.
Other cultures around the world have different ways to express themselves. For instance, countries that have Hindu or Taoist backgrounds may not refer to linear reason, but instead complex harmonies and acceptance of the world as is.
Us native English speakers may struggle to understand this way of thinking and explaining things. If you are learning English, just make sure to explain your thoughts in a way that is more linear to your ‘westerner’ friends.
If that’s hard to comprehend, just use simple words and expressions. That’ll help.
For the ‘westerners’ out there reading this blog, a bit of open-mindedness goes a long way in this case. Just be open to the fact that people all over the world have different ways of expressing themselves and explaining their ideas.
That’s all! At the end of the day, like I always say: you do you, baby.
And that ends today’s piece. Did you learn something new about speaking with native English-speaking people? I hope I provided some insight into the English-speaking mind and culture.
Keep learning, and I’ll see you in the next newsletter!